Natural Dyeing

Recently, I thought it would be a good idea to naturally dye the canvases that I paint on. I did some test strips earlier this month using avocado pits and the skins to get a nice pink – peach color. I think canvases and weaving and natural dying is something that is dear to me because its surreal to think that our ancestors use to do everything the natural way. Natural dying is from the earth. It’s like making something with mother natures help. So, I have done a little natural dying a wanted to share the directions on how to natural dye with avocado pits and share some photos of the results!

So, first thing needed is 3-5 FRESH avocado pits. The first time I dyed with avocado pits two of my pits were 3 days old and the color wasn’t as vibrant as the second dying. Whatever material that you will be dying needs to soak overnight in warm water and a mild detergent to break down the fibers in the material. The next day get a large pot and bring water (enough to cover material) to a boil. Add in avocado pits and skins (if you want to use the skins as well) and bring to a simmer. The water should take 15-20 minutes to begin to change to pink but if it takes longer be patient. While this is happening your materials can be submerged in the water. Leave materials in water mixture overnight (I left mine for two nights) then the next day rinse materials and wash if desired with mild detergent.

 

The first two photos are the test strips that I did while the last photo is of a larger canvas that was done and just some of the detailing you can get with the dying. Processed with VSCO with kk1 preset

And the final canvas I dyed. These canvases were a cream colored duck canvas material so if using a lighter fabric and a white fabric the color could be more intense.

If you have any questions let me know!

 

Crystal of the week: Chrysocolla 

I bought a Chrysocolla earlier this year and I must say its quickly became a favorite for me. It’s the crystal of divine feminine energy so it really has been helping me tap into old wounds from lovers and wounds from not loving myself enough. It is healing. It is refreshing. I usually sleep with it in my hand and wake up feeling very calm because it is also a stone used for anxiety (which I at times have a lot of).

Chrysocolla is a blue-green stone. It is a very calming mineral and helps aid in calming the emotions and bringing in clarity. It helps one manifest creativity, inner balance, and self awareness. Its primarily associated with the heart chakra and balances the heart while also helping one to live their truth from their heart center (this is especially good for women) but it is also associated with the throat chakra, and third eye chakra. It is a stone of wisdom (especially female wisdom) and it helps in helping one to go with their gut and to listen to their self when conflicted or confused and not be steam rolled by others.

Its calming and nurturing energy is readily felt. It also enhances psychic abilities and intuition. Alleviates feelings of anxiety and dread, replenishes the adrenal system and helps one to feel and experience more compassion. I have noticed since working with this mineral I do feel calmer, softer and more understanding of others. It is really helping me to just be and not worry or stress out so much which I love cause I’ve noticed since becoming a mom I have also became a worrier and I worry about everything which leads to stress and when stressed no ones at their best. I would say this is definitely a crystal that everyone should have in their collection if it calls to them.

We are female.

I started my cycle today seems fitting that I started the day of so many woman’s marches and the joining of females rallying together in defiance against the new term of presidency. America is ready for a revolution of sorts it is way past due. For all minority’s to come together and to demand what is right and equal for all of us living in this country. For freedom for safety for security. And the fight the power for all of this begins within each and everyone one of us that has been overlooked or marginalized in any way. 

In a society where the masculine is praised more than the feminine I have read in countless books and experienced today what it means to really really be comfortable with my body. Most woman at the start of their cycles because of work or plans already made will find their cycle as an annoyance. Even commercials on IUD’s and birth control tell you be period free. Commercials made for woman are not really for us. This is not the way feminism is supposed to feel. You should not be ashamed of cramps, or bleeding, PMS. Welcome it. Relax into it. 

Today when the cramps came I struggled at first I fought it I tried to control then I tried to ignore but as the cramps came in waves I relaxed I breathed in and out with each wave and I felt my uterus I felt what is me. I welcomed the pain and the darkness and allowed it to wash me like a warm bath. There was a moment of peace of newness. As I listened. I experienced what my body so desperately needed to show me to, feel. 

The next time you start your period do not reach for the Advil or the Midol. Do not ignore. Do not cover up your period your bleeding. Take the time to give yourself time to retreat to go inside yourself to see all the pain you have inflicted on yourself and your body when you did not love her. Forgive yourself.  Like with everything your body is coming into a new “cycle” it is being born again you should feel new to have shed. This is a time to go within to listen to be still. 

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Update: New Year 

With the beginning of the year starting off with mercury retrograde and with my daughters first birthday. I decided to just take some time to reflect and to focus on what I want to accomplish with this blog and just this year in general. But I’m back!  And I will be doing weekly posts this year and I have a book review coming up some more crystal of week posts and some other general posts about art and spiritual aspects I’ve been experiencing. So stay tuned!! I’ll do an post probably mid week either a book review or a crystal post. ❤️ hope everyone’s year started off well. 

Crystal of the Week: Celestine

Celestite is the crystal of angels. It is all about your higher self and communicating with the spirits – the ancestors – and the spirit world. It is used to make connections to the angel realm and even to angels themselves. “Tradition has it that celestite has been given consciousness raising and guidance powers from the angels. Using with sincere prayer or meditation one can channel angelic wisdom and communications”.

Celestine is an excellent tool for astral travel and meditation. It helps one to block out the noise of the world and focus on the inner higher voice of intuition. It also purifies the aura of humans as well as other beings. This aids in healing relationships as well as enhancing them. From its synergistic energies of the crown and throat chakras, Celestine brings balance to thought processes and communication.

In crystal healing work, it is used for healing eye problems, mental disorders, stress and anxiety related disorders, ear problems, proper cellular order, eliminating toxins, thyroid, digestive problems and headaches.

Celestine is associated primarily with the crown and throat chakras. It is also said to perfect all the chakras, balancing and energizing to the highest level.

Celestine’s energy is gentle and soft but it also calls out to one. It is mesmerizing energy almost feminine in nature. Cool.  Calm. Collected.

Celestine is a high vibrational crystal that improves ones access to divine wisdom. Personally, when working with Celestine I always feel very calm my mental feels at ease. I feel lighter – and I feel more Intune with myself. In away there’s this divine feeling that I begin to feel when around this crystal.

When cleansing this crystal do not use water in anyway Celestine can be damaged by water.

Lavender

Lavender is a flower, plant, scent, herb I’ve been obsessing about lately. I have a oil diffuser and I am constantly dropping lavender oil in it – turning it on and just allowing the whole room to be purified by its smell. When I meditate or practice yoga I spray my mat with lavender I rub cotton balls soaked in lavender oil on my face and it is instant feeling of relaxation. I also wear lavender perfume. I drink lavender kombucha I have lavender scented nail polish. Its safe to say it is my go to scent.

Lavender also has some pretty important medicinal and herbal uses. It is associated with the third eye chakra and facilitates in opening the chakra and balancing it. Lavender is used to help dissolve anxiety, treats insomnia, migraines, it also helps with menopause. It is used in teas, lotions, and tinctures. Its relaxing properties are used for more restful sleep. Its soothes sunburn as well as other burns.

Lavender in the spiritual sense is very much a yin (feminine) smell and helps aid in turning inward and increase of awareness. It is used for spiritual healing, tranquility, higher consciousness (3rd eye or crown chakra), release of energy blockages, promotes calmness, and purification.

Lavender awakens you to your true spiritual essence. It gradually aligns and integrates all of your physical and subtle aspects. With improved alignment, energetic blockages are released, life energy moves more freely, and every part of your being becomes more receptive to the influence of Spirit. As energy flows are corrected, old issues rise to the surface for resolution, and confusing symptoms often disappear. Lavender fosters awareness of your inner dimensions as it helps you become a greater vessel for Spirit.

Personally, lavender does relax and calm me. It also helps with my anxiety. Chamomile lavender tea always helps me to relax and for someone who is an air sign and water dominant my emotions and feelings can throw me 20 different places in a day – lavender has become a staple in my spirituality as well as my health. The color lavender is also a very calming color and behaves very much like the lavender plant aiding in ones spiritual development. So, go out buy a lavender plant, amethyst crystal, lavender oil, or nail polish to paint your nails. These are easy ways to infuse your life with lavender and begin to get in touch with your higher more intuitive self.

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Something I’ve been feeling…

I want to be real tonight.

I have this problem where I compare myself to other woman a lot. I compare my journey to there’s. I get territorial. I get insecure. I’ve never had really intimate relationships with other woman – I’ve never really been around strong feminine energy and felt deeply connected. I have one friend that I have a lot in common with. But then when I went through an abortion and then pregnancy our relationship wasn’t what is could have been and now seeing her with other girl friends it makes me feel insecure sometimes and it makes me feel like I have to prove myself. Which isn’t the case. I’m learning to trust that all is well even when I’m not feeling so hot about myself all is well. I know that comparison ultimately makes me feel less than and every day I’m working on loving and trusting myself more. And knowing my worth that my place in people’s lives doesn’t have be secure – relationships change – friendships change but if I want them to change for the better then I have the ability to do so.

 

this was really a pep talk for myself.

 

Realigning

Recently, I have been caught up in wanting. Wanting to be able to do more with my friends and hang out more – to simply throw responsibility as a mother to the side and just be. I know that this want isn’t aligned with my purpose simply because it is a want derived from seeing my friends and other women my age be able to carelessly enjoy life. In away I wanted to feel that freedom not realizing that being a mother is a whole different type of freedom. It is creation.

Its taken me awhile to truly be able to appreciate my life the way it is. To be. To flow. In a society that values reason it can be hard to tap into the feminine – the flow of life. Surrendering – giving up control and allowing myself to be is the biggest lesson I am learning this year as a mom and as an artist. There is no handbook to follow some days I wake up and  I want to start 3 new paintings, cook a full meal and be a active energized mother. Other days I want to lay on the couch all day with Sage watch LMN movies and reruns of chopped and snack all day. Neither is better than the other. How productive I am doesn’t make up the value of who I am as a person. In the beginning of motherhood I struggled a lot with balance with my needs – sages needs – my partners needs. It took a lot out of me. I never knew what would bother me or what kind of day I would have.

Aligning with yourself, with your body, your goals – dreams ( the actual dreamworld dreams) all of these things set you up to be fully okay with life – with where you are even if its not where you may want to be at the moment. To live and breathe in the present time is probably one of the hardest things to do in this age. To forgive yourself- to heal. To be open to all and any (including none) possibilities. This is freedom. And motherhood at first to me was a loss of this but freedom is a concept that has been so mistreated and taught by the ones who want to control freedom and box it in to mean one thing. Freedom is motherhood and it is also deciding not to have kids and it is anything that resonates with the higher you and makes you feel good. Sometimes when I have bummy days I have to give myself pep talks – its always go after your goals – chase this – chase that – I have to tell myself you’re not crazy  – you’re aligned and if today my soul says do nothing I wont – simple and if the next day my soul says create 5 paintings ill do that. Trust. It isn’t hard. But its been made to seem hard. I have learned to trust the flow.

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10th Insight : Book Review

Personal Opinion: this book is not as good as the Celestine Prophecy but it is still a good read.

It follows the same character (who is never named) on a journey in this valley to stop this energy harnessing experiment. It focuses on only one insight instead if nine like in the first book but for me I think the first book explained the insights in more clarity than this one insight. The 10th insight is all about the spirit world and being in tune with your ancestors and your soul group. It is all about realizing your souls purpose – the purpose you have here on earth and standing in the knowing of who you are and all your truths.

The adventure isn’t as fast paced as in the Celestine Prophecy but it is still a journey and an adventure. It did provide me personally with a lot of insight. That we are all growing souls – that no one is the enemy but is worthy and deserving of love. This doesn’t mean that some people aren’t toxic but just acknowledging that we are all put on this earth having positive intentions and that it is “FEAR” that makes some people do “bad” things.

It is about raising your vibration and your energy and staying aligned. the-tenth-insight

My Story

February 2,2015 I got an abortion. I was fresh out of an abusive relationship I was sleeping around a lot not making many connections. Living in the physical. Owning my sexuality for once not caring about numbers, or soul ties or attachment. Just simply doing and not being. I thought I felt alive.

And then I met someone who I actually liked who I wanted to be with but who wasn’t really ready for a relationship and I wasn’t either but again I was on a physical plane not really thinking. And then I was pregnant. I remember telling my roommate that my body felt different. I knew before I knew. And I wanted to keep it to myself to keep a secret. Sometimes I wish I had. Because I never gave myself time to process what being pregnant even meant or would mean tome. I remember telling him that night. Questions of is it mine. Was I sure. It was cold. It was a cold December night.

I was scared but in the beginning I was so sure I wanted to keep her. I was so sure. I took a lot of baths I sang to her. I hummed to her. I don’t know when or how the idea of an abortion came in. But it did. Listening to other people more than myself taking in everyone else’s feelings but my own. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t lean in my own understanding. And I remember the day he broke down in his moms apartment telling me he wasn’t ready that he couldn’t do it. By then I had disassociated myself. I could feel you growing. I could feel my body changing. My breasts swelling. But everything was physical. I gave in. I gave up.

It was Christmas. I sang silent night to my stomach rubbing in a dark bathroom in the tub. Cause baths have always been my sacred place. Water had always felt safe. We had went driving around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights – I was holding my two month old niece in the backseat. On the phone. In the infatuation stage. Not taking this life energy serious. A lot of different men were still trying to get at me. I was high and giddy off the fleetness that life is at 22.

Three different trips to the clinic and I should’ve known the way we put it off until I almost couldn’t have the operation because I was too far along. It rained all three times on the way there. I know now I should’ve seen this as a sign. One time I had woke up and had ginger ale before going- you’re not supposed to eat or drink anything after a certain time before.  Girls at the clinic asked if I was sure if I wanted the baby gone. I wasn’t. 9 weeks in. And you were already making yourself known. Morning sickness and barley able to keep anything down. I had an ultrasound – I saw you.

The day of the operation. I was nervous. The guy I was with picked me up. Red car. His friend was in the car too, he dropped him off. He was high. It was dark still the sun hadn’t came up. I didn’t talk a lot the ride there. When we got there I checked in. They take you in a back room alone. You change your clothes. They put an IV in you and your body gets cold – you are given a heated blanket to keep it at bay – other woman sit with you in the dim hallway waiting for their turn. On woman asked me how old I was because I  looked so young. She asked if it was my first. She told me she had two other kids already but couldn’t afford a third. You walk into the room you get on the table people all around. By this time your thoughts are hazy. My thoughts were hazy. And then I was asleep – sleeping through not feeling anything. And then woken up feeling sick throwing up. Getting my prescription waiting for the car to come around. Feeling weak. Tripping. Needing help into the car. Forgetting how to walk. One foot in front of the other.

I slept mostly on the way back. I slept mostly for three days. In a daze. Laying in bed. I became extremely attached. I never wanted to be alone. I was angry. I was sad. I was emotionless and emotional.

I slept with a heating pad because it felt better. I still wasn’t eating a lot. I was drinking a lot. Smoking a lot. Partying. I remember one day specifically I went to the mall with my sister and niece and my sister asking me what had a spilt on my sweatshirt. I was lactating. A week after my abortion I was lactating at the mall. My body releasing the last bit I had left from being pregnant. I did my best to cover up all the “bad” feelings I had from the abortion. I cried. I wrote poems about it. But I never forgave myself. I didn’t talk about it. And my friends didn’t because I think they knew more than I did how much I was really bothered.

It took me along time to get to this point to admit to myself that I made this decision. For along time I would say to myself it was a miscarriage but it wasn’t. It took me along time to think about the reasons why I had an abortion. My conflicted relationship with my own mother – never really feeling close or understood by her. Never feeling wanted as a child. Being molested at nine. I never gave myself any real chance. I never gave my first child any real chance. I thought my parents would disown me that they wouldn’t and couldn’t love me because I felt this way already. I know my mother has had bad relationships with men but no details. I think mothers should tell their daughters about their relationship experiences. That they should tell them about love and what it has meant to them as they’ve gone through breakups.

I say this to say – I hope someone some girl one day who is scared and pregnant that I can talk to her. Hug her. Tell her everything will work out if she puts trust in herself and the universe. I hope one day I can tell my daughter about this. That we will be able to heal each other from my own experiences. For all the mothers out there talk your daughters but also really listen not only to what they say but their body language as well. I’m not saying abortions are wrong – but it was wrong for me. Opening up is my first step to healing. And I can only hope this resonates with some of you.

Thank you. IMG_4037.JPG