Baby Momma

Awhile ago I was on Instagram and someone I follow had liked a text post that went something like “Sorry ladies but a ring is supposed to come before a baby – and that woman who didn’t do it in this order were living wrongly”. It was haughty – it had an air of woman who are married first before children are better. The person who posted this justified this idea by of course quoting the bible. Things like this (as a single mother with no ring) don’t bother me. But there are a few things wrong with this outlook which is why I decided to write a post about it.

The post is only directed towards women! Of course one would blame the woman in an idea as archaic as this one because a woman can have sex with herself and conceive all on her own (loll) It also reduces a union between two people to simply…. a ring.

In the comments a lot of women were agreeing with this and its always the women who feel like they are better than “baby mommas” that will agree with a male centered idea such as this one. It is one thing to want marriage and then kids for your own life – it is another thing to try and say someone else’s path is wrong. I wish women could uplift each other more I wish women would realize that their truths are not every other woman’s.

The term “baby momma” used to really bother me. Lets be honest the phrase is usually used in a negative way but lately I’ve been thinking the phrase can be taken back like so many other degrading words and phrases are beginning to be. I cannot be shamed because I’ve had a child without being married first and neither should anyone else be. Let’s change that narrative its degrading and demeaning towards women.

Does the bible say for you to be married before you have children? Yeah. It also says a whole lot of things like do not lie or steal or disobey your parents … I’m sure there is something the bible tells us not to do that we have all done. And to be honest the whole idea that marriage needs to come before kids is a old patriarchal view meant to literally keep and control women because we are the ones who can produce life. Women do not need a ring to have children if that is what she wants then that is her truth and if she doesn’t get a ring before kids that’s okay too.

These are difficult times. Weird times. Hateful times. Lets all work on not putting each other down and spreading only love.

For all of our differences we are really all the same.

P.S.

This post isn’t meant to bash married women or women who want to be married before children. Its just meant to give some lovin to single mothers.

IMG_3314

 

 

Advertisements

We are female.

I started my cycle today seems fitting that I started the day of so many woman’s marches and the joining of females rallying together in defiance against the new term of presidency. America is ready for a revolution of sorts it is way past due. For all minority’s to come together and to demand what is right and equal for all of us living in this country. For freedom for safety for security. And the fight the power for all of this begins within each and everyone one of us that has been overlooked or marginalized in any way. 

In a society where the masculine is praised more than the feminine I have read in countless books and experienced today what it means to really really be comfortable with my body. Most woman at the start of their cycles because of work or plans already made will find their cycle as an annoyance. Even commercials on IUD’s and birth control tell you be period free. Commercials made for woman are not really for us. This is not the way feminism is supposed to feel. You should not be ashamed of cramps, or bleeding, PMS. Welcome it. Relax into it. 

Today when the cramps came I struggled at first I fought it I tried to control then I tried to ignore but as the cramps came in waves I relaxed I breathed in and out with each wave and I felt my uterus I felt what is me. I welcomed the pain and the darkness and allowed it to wash me like a warm bath. There was a moment of peace of newness. As I listened. I experienced what my body so desperately needed to show me to, feel. 

The next time you start your period do not reach for the Advil or the Midol. Do not ignore. Do not cover up your period your bleeding. Take the time to give yourself time to retreat to go inside yourself to see all the pain you have inflicted on yourself and your body when you did not love her. Forgive yourself.  Like with everything your body is coming into a new “cycle” it is being born again you should feel new to have shed. This is a time to go within to listen to be still. 

img_9932