Awhile ago I was on Instagram and someone I follow had liked a text post that went something like “Sorry ladies but a ring is supposed to come before a baby – and that woman who didn’t do it in this order were living wrongly”. It was haughty – it had an air of woman who are married first before children are better. The person who posted this justified this idea by of course quoting the bible. Things like this (as a single mother with no ring) don’t bother me. But there are a few things wrong with this outlook which is why I decided to write a post about it.
The post is only directed towards women! Of course one would blame the woman in an idea as archaic as this one because a woman can have sex with herself and conceive all on her own (loll) It also reduces a union between two people to simply…. a ring.
In the comments a lot of women were agreeing with this and its always the women who feel like they are better than “baby mommas” that will agree with a male centered idea such as this one. It is one thing to want marriage and then kids for your own life – it is another thing to try and say someone else’s path is wrong. I wish women could uplift each other more I wish women would realize that their truths are not every other woman’s.
The term “baby momma” used to really bother me. Lets be honest the phrase is usually used in a negative way but lately I’ve been thinking the phrase can be taken back like so many other degrading words and phrases are beginning to be. I cannot be shamed because I’ve had a child without being married first and neither should anyone else be. Let’s change that narrative its degrading and demeaning towards women.
Does the bible say for you to be married before you have children? Yeah. It also says a whole lot of things like do not lie or steal or disobey your parents … I’m sure there is something the bible tells us not to do that we have all done. And to be honest the whole idea that marriage needs to come before kids is a old patriarchal view meant to literally keep and control women because we are the ones who can produce life. Women do not need a ring to have children if that is what she wants then that is her truth and if she doesn’t get a ring before kids that’s okay too.
These are difficult times. Weird times. Hateful times. Lets all work on not putting each other down and spreading only love.
For all of our differences we are really all the same.
This post isn’t meant to bash married women or women who want to be married before children. Its just meant to give some lovin to single mothers.