Awhile ago I was on Instagram and someone I follow had liked a text post that went something like “Sorry ladies but a ring is supposed to come before a baby – and that woman who didn’t do it in this order were living wrongly”. It was haughty – it had an air of woman who are married first before children are better. The person who posted this justified this idea by of course quoting the bible. Things like this (as a single mother with no ring) don’t bother me. But there are a few things wrong with this outlook which is why I decided to write a post about it.
The post is only directed towards women! Of course one would blame the woman in an idea as archaic as this one because a woman can have sex with herself and conceive all on her own (loll) It also reduces a union between two people to simply…. a ring.
In the comments a lot of women were agreeing with this and its always the women who feel like they are better than “baby mommas” that will agree with a male centered idea such as this one. It is one thing to want marriage and then kids for your own life – it is another thing to try and say someone else’s path is wrong. I wish women could uplift each other more I wish women would realize that their truths are not every other woman’s.
The term “baby momma” used to really bother me. Lets be honest the phrase is usually used in a negative way but lately I’ve been thinking the phrase can be taken back like so many other degrading words and phrases are beginning to be. I cannot be shamed because I’ve had a child without being married first and neither should anyone else be. Let’s change that narrative its degrading and demeaning towards women.
Does the bible say for you to be married before you have children? Yeah. It also says a whole lot of things like do not lie or steal or disobey your parents … I’m sure there is something the bible tells us not to do that we have all done. And to be honest the whole idea that marriage needs to come before kids is a old patriarchal view meant to literally keep and control women because we are the ones who can produce life. Women do not need a ring to have children if that is what she wants then that is her truth and if she doesn’t get a ring before kids that’s okay too.
These are difficult times. Weird times. Hateful times. Lets all work on not putting each other down and spreading only love.
For all of our differences we are really all the same.
This post isn’t meant to bash married women or women who want to be married before children. Its just meant to give some lovin to single mothers.
I’ve been reading “Woman Who Run With the Wolves” off and on since like October. I was reading the stories in chronological order (like beginning of the book to the end) but then decided that wasn’t very beneficial and chose a story that spoke to me and what I’m going through at the moment intuitively. Chapter 9 which is titled Homing: Returning to Oneself. This chapter or myth is about a seal woman who’s pelt is stolen from her by a lonely man and is tricked into marrying and staying with the man for 3 years or something like that – the woman and man have a child during this duration but the woman during this time is also drying out (she is loosing her lust and joy and wildish nature for life). In the story the seal woman asks for her seal skin back after the time has ended with the lonely man – he doesn’t give it to her saying that she would leave him and their child to be motherless and exclaims that she is a selfish woman. I feel like this narrative happens a lot in romantic relationships with woman. So, many times we are the giver the ones who give up time, dreams, work, hobbies, energy to be there for our men or children. And when a woman asks for some time for herself she is put down or deemed selfish, ungrateful, unfit. As women we are nurturer but many forget that we too need care. This myth resonated with me because as a new mother there are often times where I am not putting enough into myself- I end up feeling drained and tired more than I am excited and replenished from life.
“Among ethnic groups throughout the world, including many in the circumpolar region of West Africa, it is said that humans are not truly animated until the soul gives birth to the spirit (or child), tenders and nurses it, filling it up with strength”.
I want to touch on this passage from the book for a moment as a single mother in the US and with hiphop culture it has been seen almost as bad to be a mother if you aren’t married. And the responsibilities of a mother raising her child doesn’t change whether she’s single or married. There is this whole “baby mama” culture meant to put woman down for simply doing what our bodies were made to do (if we choose). It bums me out that in other cultures pregnancy and motherhood is more important and revered than it is in America. In many ways this chapter of Returning Home- of Returning to the self – was exactly like motherhood. I came from womb from woman just like everyone else on this planet has – and to go through pregnancy – to motherhood. I have come full circle I have returned to myself to my ancestors to the primitive instinctual body that is my soul.
Like most woman my age and younger the relationship I have with my mother is complicated it is not by any means where it should be. I used to believe that it wasn’t my job to fix my relationship with my mother and lately when I think about it I just don’t know how. I went through pregnancy basically on my own. I went and got Medicaid because my parents kicked me off their insurance. I went through all the psychological highs and lows on my own. So, when I think of my relationship with my daughter that’s when I realized how deep these wounds are and how deep the wounds are from my childhood stemming from my mother and her mother and her mothers mother. Somewhere (probably all the way back to slavery) the lineage of mothers mothering their daughters (especially in the African American community) got fragmented where daughters are teaching mothers how to love how to see how to be open after learning this all on their own. No one taught me how to love; not how to love myself or to love others. It took me awhile to forgive my mother but I know she did the best at her 25 years of age with two kids and being in the navy.
In this chapter there are lot of passages about this fragmented relationship between the mother and her daughter and these stories these myths aren’t being passed down in cultures anymore – how this form of storytelling could help these relationships if they were being passed down the lineage. It is intuition that is missing in the woman in the mother daughter dynamic relationship. It is storytelling. It is this innate nature in us to nurture and give until we are used up and dry (like the seal woman) and needing to go back to the water to the sea to be refreshed. It is the relationship from mother to daughter from woman to woman , sister to sister, friend to friend that will help us all to realize and reach our fullness.
Now I am just going to type out a few passages and quotes from the chapter that resonated with me and I hope they resonate with you to:
“Every creature on Earth returns to home. It is ironic that we have made wildlife refuges for ibis, pelican, egret, wolf, crane, deer, mouse, moose, and bear, but not for ourselves in the places we live day after day. We understand that the loss of habitat is the most disastrous event that can occur to a free creature. We fervently point out how other creatures natural territories have become surrounded by cities, ranches, highways, noise, and other dissonance, as though we are not surrounded by the same, as though we are not affected also. We know that for creatures to live on, they must at least from time to time have a home place, a place where they both feel protected and free”.
” The health of the ego is often determined by how well one measures boundaries in the outer world, how strongly one’s identity is formed, how well one differentiates past, present, and future and how closely one’s perceptions coincide with consensual reality”.
“Do not fear “not knowing”.
“They know when they are overdue for home. Their bodies are in the here and now, but their minds are far, far away”.
“Where is home? is more complex ….but in some way it is an internal place somewhere in time rather than space, where a woman feels of one piece”.
“In order to converse with the wild feminine, a woman must temporarily leave the world and inhabit a state of aloneness in the oldest sense of the word. Long ago the word alone was treated as two words, all one, To be all one meant to be wholly one , to be in oneness, either essentially or temporarily. That is precisely the goal of solitude, to be all one”.
This book is simply amazing. Don’t read it cover to cover pick which stories resonate with you in the time that you need to read them and read them learn from them and pass them on.
Recently, I thought it would be a good idea to naturally dye the canvases that I paint on. I did some test strips earlier this month using avocado pits and the skins to get a nice pink – peach color. I think canvases and weaving and natural dying is something that is dear to me because its surreal to think that our ancestors use to do everything the natural way. Natural dying is from the earth. It’s like making something with mother natures help. So, I have done a little natural dying a wanted to share the directions on how to natural dye with avocado pits and share some photos of the results!
So, first thing needed is 3-5 FRESH avocado pits. The first time I dyed with avocado pits two of my pits were 3 days old and the color wasn’t as vibrant as the second dying. Whatever material that you will be dying needs to soak overnight in warm water and a mild detergent to break down the fibers in the material. The next day get a large pot and bring water (enough to cover material) to a boil. Add in avocado pits and skins (if you want to use the skins as well) and bring to a simmer. The water should take 15-20 minutes to begin to change to pink but if it takes longer be patient. While this is happening your materials can be submerged in the water. Leave materials in water mixture overnight (I left mine for two nights) then the next day rinse materials and wash if desired with mild detergent.
The first two photos are the test strips that I did while the last photo is of a larger canvas that was done and just some of the detailing you can get with the dying.
And the final canvas I dyed. These canvases were a cream colored duck canvas material so if using a lighter fabric and a white fabric the color could be more intense.
If you have any questions let me know!
I bought a Chrysocolla earlier this year and I must say its quickly became a favorite for me. It’s the crystal of divine feminine energy so it really has been helping me tap into old wounds from lovers and wounds from not loving myself enough. It is healing. It is refreshing. I usually sleep with it in my hand and wake up feeling very calm because it is also a stone used for anxiety (which I at times have a lot of).
Chrysocolla is a blue-green stone. It is a very calming mineral and helps aid in calming the emotions and bringing in clarity. It helps one manifest creativity, inner balance, and self awareness. Its primarily associated with the heart chakra and balances the heart while also helping one to live their truth from their heart center (this is especially good for women) but it is also associated with the throat chakra, and third eye chakra. It is a stone of wisdom (especially female wisdom) and it helps in helping one to go with their gut and to listen to their self when conflicted or confused and not be steam rolled by others.
Its calming and nurturing energy is readily felt. It also enhances psychic abilities and intuition. Alleviates feelings of anxiety and dread, replenishes the adrenal system and helps one to feel and experience more compassion. I have noticed since working with this mineral I do feel calmer, softer and more understanding of others. It is really helping me to just be and not worry or stress out so much which I love cause I’ve noticed since becoming a mom I have also became a worrier and I worry about everything which leads to stress and when stressed no ones at their best. I would say this is definitely a crystal that everyone should have in their collection if it calls to them.
I started my cycle today seems fitting that I started the day of so many woman’s marches and the joining of females rallying together in defiance against the new term of presidency. America is ready for a revolution of sorts it is way past due. For all minority’s to come together and to demand what is right and equal for all of us living in this country. For freedom for safety for security. And the fight the power for all of this begins within each and everyone one of us that has been overlooked or marginalized in any way.
In a society where the masculine is praised more than the feminine I have read in countless books and experienced today what it means to really really be comfortable with my body. Most woman at the start of their cycles because of work or plans already made will find their cycle as an annoyance. Even commercials on IUD’s and birth control tell you be period free. Commercials made for woman are not really for us. This is not the way feminism is supposed to feel. You should not be ashamed of cramps, or bleeding, PMS. Welcome it. Relax into it.
Today when the cramps came I struggled at first I fought it I tried to control then I tried to ignore but as the cramps came in waves I relaxed I breathed in and out with each wave and I felt my uterus I felt what is me. I welcomed the pain and the darkness and allowed it to wash me like a warm bath. There was a moment of peace of newness. As I listened. I experienced what my body so desperately needed to show me to, feel.
The next time you start your period do not reach for the Advil or the Midol. Do not ignore. Do not cover up your period your bleeding. Take the time to give yourself time to retreat to go inside yourself to see all the pain you have inflicted on yourself and your body when you did not love her. Forgive yourself. Like with everything your body is coming into a new “cycle” it is being born again you should feel new to have shed. This is a time to go within to listen to be still.
Celestite is the crystal of angels. It is all about your higher self and communicating with the spirits – the ancestors – and the spirit world. It is used to make connections to the angel realm and even to angels themselves. “Tradition has it that celestite has been given consciousness raising and guidance powers from the angels. Using with sincere prayer or meditation one can channel angelic wisdom and communications”.
Celestine is an excellent tool for astral travel and meditation. It helps one to block out the noise of the world and focus on the inner higher voice of intuition. It also purifies the aura of humans as well as other beings. This aids in healing relationships as well as enhancing them. From its synergistic energies of the crown and throat chakras, Celestine brings balance to thought processes and communication.
In crystal healing work, it is used for healing eye problems, mental disorders, stress and anxiety related disorders, ear problems, proper cellular order, eliminating toxins, thyroid, digestive problems and headaches.
Celestine is associated primarily with the crown and throat chakras. It is also said to perfect all the chakras, balancing and energizing to the highest level.
Celestine’s energy is gentle and soft but it also calls out to one. It is mesmerizing energy almost feminine in nature. Cool. Calm. Collected.
Celestine is a high vibrational crystal that improves ones access to divine wisdom. Personally, when working with Celestine I always feel very calm my mental feels at ease. I feel lighter – and I feel more Intune with myself. In away there’s this divine feeling that I begin to feel when around this crystal.
Recently, I have been caught up in wanting. Wanting to be able to do more with my friends and hang out more – to simply throw responsibility as a mother to the side and just be. I know that this want isn’t aligned with my purpose simply because it is a want derived from seeing my friends and other women my age be able to carelessly enjoy life. In away I wanted to feel that freedom not realizing that being a mother is a whole different type of freedom. It is creation.
Its taken me awhile to truly be able to appreciate my life the way it is. To be. To flow. In a society that values reason it can be hard to tap into the feminine – the flow of life. Surrendering – giving up control and allowing myself to be is the biggest lesson I am learning this year as a mom and as an artist. There is no handbook to follow some days I wake up and I want to start 3 new paintings, cook a full meal and be a active energized mother. Other days I want to lay on the couch all day with Sage watch LMN movies and reruns of chopped and snack all day. Neither is better than the other. How productive I am doesn’t make up the value of who I am as a person. In the beginning of motherhood I struggled a lot with balance with my needs – sages needs – my partners needs. It took a lot out of me. I never knew what would bother me or what kind of day I would have.
Aligning with yourself, with your body, your goals – dreams ( the actual dreamworld dreams) all of these things set you up to be fully okay with life – with where you are even if its not where you may want to be at the moment. To live and breathe in the present time is probably one of the hardest things to do in this age. To forgive yourself- to heal. To be open to all and any (including none) possibilities. This is freedom. And motherhood at first to me was a loss of this but freedom is a concept that has been so mistreated and taught by the ones who want to control freedom and box it in to mean one thing. Freedom is motherhood and it is also deciding not to have kids and it is anything that resonates with the higher you and makes you feel good. Sometimes when I have bummy days I have to give myself pep talks – its always go after your goals – chase this – chase that – I have to tell myself you’re not crazy – you’re aligned and if today my soul says do nothing I wont – simple and if the next day my soul says create 5 paintings ill do that. Trust. It isn’t hard. But its been made to seem hard. I have learned to trust the flow.
Personal Opinion: this book is not as good as the Celestine Prophecy but it is still a good read.
It follows the same character (who is never named) on a journey in this valley to stop this energy harnessing experiment. It focuses on only one insight instead if nine like in the first book but for me I think the first book explained the insights in more clarity than this one insight. The 10th insight is all about the spirit world and being in tune with your ancestors and your soul group. It is all about realizing your souls purpose – the purpose you have here on earth and standing in the knowing of who you are and all your truths.
The adventure isn’t as fast paced as in the Celestine Prophecy but it is still a journey and an adventure. It did provide me personally with a lot of insight. That we are all growing souls – that no one is the enemy but is worthy and deserving of love. This doesn’t mean that some people aren’t toxic but just acknowledging that we are all put on this earth having positive intentions and that it is “FEAR” that makes some people do “bad” things.
It is about raising your vibration and your energy and staying aligned.