Being an artist has not been an easy journey or even label – definition of my life. Or whatever. I’m always worrying about if my painting is good enough or if I’m even doing “art” right. It’s a constant struggle between myself and … My anxiety. And it’s one I’ve been losing for along time. I had a minor breakthrough with it over the summer when I took watercolor. I did have anxiety but I managed to go to class everyday but once. And to do all my work and participate in all the critiques something I have never been able to do in a studio class. And the result was that I got a B. I improved a lot and I had more confidence in myself and as an artist than ever before. But now taking acrylic painting and it being a full semester my anxiety is worse than ever and I’m hating ever single painting that I do. I’ve missed class once already and a painting I have due tomorrow for a small critique I’m hating. I don’t want to show it to anyone let alone the whole class for comments. I’m scared. And I’m not afraid to admit that but what’s worse is how I’m allowing this fear to push me into fleeing instead of pushing me into working harder and pushing myself to finish to go to class even if I hate my painting and think it sucks. Being an artist is hard enough. People may not understand my message, what I’m trying to do or even like what I make. But I need to like it. I need to have my own back but I’m not sure how. I’m afraid that this semester my anxiety and my fear will win again. 

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