I’m not sure when I realized that I was a spiritual being. I grew up like most African American children in the church. And it wasn’t until my teen years that I started to shy away from the church. Church never really seemed like home to me though. I dreaded going to church- the long hours in choir practice. The presentation of good appearance.
At 14, I began to have dreams that were more like nightmares. Exaggerated tales of family members dying. I remember once I had a dream that my brother was killed by a troll like figure. Waking up scared and crying because of how close death had felt. Only to have a phone call wake up my father and a cousin tell him that his grandmother had died. This was my first encounter with my spiritual self that I was aware of. Many years went by and I lost it like most rainbow children the we live in the world never thinking to denounce what our peers are doing or what is seen as cool.
I do remember as a kid being extremely shy – wanting to please others but not knowing how. And being extremely conscious of my being and how others thought of me. I collected rocks in an old Altoids tin along with small green circular magnets. I was probably the most intune with myself from the ages of 5-14. But it was subconscious knowing.
The past 5 years I have been in constant dialogue with myself growing, healing, sometimes only for a season feeling such a strong pull in my spirit during retrogrades to fix something to better something inside me. The past year I have made this pull a constant to where I am always healing inner deamons, healing myself from past sexual encounters. Cleaning out and taking back my womb- my root chakra. My spirit.
Scent has always been my most used sense. I can remember the way bread smelled from the street factory that was down the block in Chicago where I lived 10 years ago. So, naturally I’ve always been attracted to candles. I remember my dad having a incense holder when we were kids burnin incense and the way the smoke would rise and fill my parents bedroom. The box was always off limits.
It wasn’t until college that I remembered this. And bought my own incense holder and began the daily use of incense burning that I still use today. I wasn’t aware though of the benefits and how beneficial incense is to clearing negative energy. Or even how beneficial smell and scent would and can be to a personal spiritual journey.
Other than incense. I always had a strong urge to practice yoga but not until recently have I taken it seriously. There is something so calming in paying attention to my own breath the way my body rises and falls – being aware of inner workings.
Two years ago I got heavy into crystals I’m still very heavy into them in terms of my own healing. I almost always am caring a rose quartz with me. I’m always reading about spiritual elements. Healing chakras. How to raise aligned children, crystal healing, herbal medicine, yogic laws and rules, watching documentaries, reading spiritual books, meditating. Anything that brings your soul comfort and joy is a form of meditating. I’m always researching and looking for more but also focusing on the things I know now that are healing my spirit. I’m healing myself so I can heal my family so I can heal other woman and girls. I still have along way to go but we are all higher beings we all vibrate at the highest high and the lowest low some days some moments. I feel alittle clearer and a little lighter each day as I shed not only my personal demons but the hurt and pain of my ancestors too.