Yesterday we got up at 2 left by 2:30 to get to the Atlanta airport. The baggage guy outside was rude as hell. We tried to wait in line to get a gust pass for my boyfriend to walk through security with me even though he wasn’t flying. The line was too long. My anxiety was at 100%. Sweaty palms. Sweaty everything. And anxiety sweat smells different than regular sweat. Security was bad because both my license and my military ID are expired. I had to show my credit cards and then my Medicaid card just to get through. Then I had to get patted down twice since Sage was in a wrap. Sage was looking at the lady who patted us down confused trying to figure out what was going on. My boyfriend stood outside of security watching the whole thing looking concerned hands above his head (but making me realize again why I love him so much). The train I stood up with sage, got off at C. Found my gate C21 and waited to board the plane. The whole time I was on the train I was on the phone with my boyfriend – while we waited to board still on the phone (see how concerned he was). I sat in a window seat sage looked out the window then at takeoff I put her back in the wrap and she fell asleep. My anxiety disappeared. I looked out the window and watched the sunrise. I’ve never seen colors fade into others so smoothly. Blue a little green then yellow-orange. Sage woke up about an hour in. We watched the clouds together. We landed. I called my boyfriend. No accidents. No crying. Nothing. And my anxiety today is a little less because I can, I can. I can do anything.
Before I birthed a daughter I knew her name. When I was a child my mom had this glass tablet like thing that was always in the kitchen. It had different herbs on it like: Rosemary,thyme, chives, tarragon, cilantro and of course sage. It had the names of the herbs and a little illustration of them. I remember then deciding that I loved the way the word sage sounded and felt on my tongue. And I knew then that if I ever had a daughter id name her as such. The word sage and I then didn’t run into each other again until I was turning 19 I believe I went to this summer fest in Atlanta and saw the Wailers perform. After my parents took me to this fancy authentic Italian spot. And I ordered this ravioli that came with a butter sauce and fried sage leaves. This was the first time I tasted sage the first time I saw sage leaves in person. Firstly, the taste of sage is not for everyone I think what hooked me was the smell and then the taste. My souls has always identified with the word sage, the smell felt just as good for my soul. And the taste omg to this day I still eat sage leaves. My family even recreated the fried sage leaves and brown butter sauce one summer after to eat. As I started my spiritual journey at 21, sage was everywhere it was burned, smudged. It was suddenly good for my health. And it’s scent was healing and the conscious connection I had deepened. But my subconscious always knew.
Anyway, I’m saying that my soul has always known even before I knew. That sage in every way -from naming my daughter sage to -burning sage incense and oils- will always be a big part of my being.